I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
