..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
