Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
