never play flip cup with pint glasses
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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