Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
