I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
