Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
