I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
