I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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