I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
