OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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