if you like me you must not know who I am
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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