I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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