guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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