you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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