I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize