You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
