haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
