question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
