omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
