I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
