This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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