My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
