Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
