the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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