Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
