I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
