$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
