$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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