i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
