My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
