I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
