God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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