I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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