pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
