take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
