i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
