She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
