My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
