evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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