i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
