Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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