I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
