At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I want is dick and wine.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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