someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
