Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
soo... how was my night?
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