i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
