I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
