im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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