i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
