I faked an abortion last night.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
