Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
