Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
