you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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