Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
