Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
