ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
sex in a hospital.. check
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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