32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
