Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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