McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
