and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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