I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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