Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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