I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
