Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize