Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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