yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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