I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this beer tastes like vomit already
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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