Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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