Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Found the puke drawer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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