thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
