How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
