Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
