your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
