You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize