MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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