thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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