then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
